Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
