So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
