So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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