the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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