im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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