batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
