Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
