I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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