I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
