No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
