i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
