we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
