eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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