Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
