Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
