I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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