Where did you get a picture of my penis
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
