Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
