also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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