I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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