what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
