OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!