saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me