he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life