I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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