you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.