youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
