Pappa wants mamma naked
Jerry, you need to find god
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth