You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hippo gnu deer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
