Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
