Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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