I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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