He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
