Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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