I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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