ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
