Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
