I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
