How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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