At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
