I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
