I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
