Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
