is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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