You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
