so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are a genius and a whore.
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