Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
