in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
