they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
