Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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