words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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