Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't make out with my wife yet
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
