If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize