bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
