wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
