It's Friday. Sex?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
