You just made me feel so damn special
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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