so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
