just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
