In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize