Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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