So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
