Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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