Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
