Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
