we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
