found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
