Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
