I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
