I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
