So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Boobs are out for the taking
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
