The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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