This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You ruined the universe
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
