And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
