Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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