I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
