I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
