I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
