Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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