i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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