you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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