So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
