Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
