Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
