The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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