remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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