She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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