What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
