It's like God shit irony all over that family
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
