youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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