ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
