hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
