Im at strip club and am horny
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
