Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
