Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
